


(Brother,) It Wasn’t On You

by marvelnatural



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alexandria Safe-Zone (Walking Dead), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brother Feels, Brotherly Love, Canon Compliant, Daryl Dixon & Rick Grimes Friendship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Feels, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I love these two with my entire heart, No Slash, POV Rick Grimes, Past Child Abuse, Self-Worth Issues, Terminus (The Walking Dead), light fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 08:03:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20926874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelnatural/pseuds/marvelnatural
Summary: Rick felt a pang of guilt and sadness at Daryl’s response. The bowmen could act feral sometimes, like a caged animal who’s been abused and neglected. It seemed to only be getting worse since they arrived at Alexandria.Or, Rick catches Daryl reading the book he found in Atlanta.Set sometime around 5x12. Gen/No Slash. Rick and Daryl friendship centric :)





	(Brother,) It Wasn’t On You

The night sky shined with bright starlight, providing the house with a dim light that filtered through the windows. Rick laid on the makeshift bed he had made in the shared house he and the rest of the group were staying in. It was crowded but with everything they’ve gone through so far, Rick was pretty confident no one had any qualms with staying together instead of splitting into two like they were offered. Especially after Terminus.

He shuddered at the thought of that place, of those people, and what nearly happened to his friends. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he sat up and surveyed the sleeping bodies in front of him. Pleased to see no immediate threat he let himself relax again, but only briefly before he noticed someone was missing. 

Standing up and carefully making his way across the floor as to not wake anyone he quietly reached for the front door, but paused before he gripped the knob. Instead he switched directions and made his way up the stairwell, through the hall way, and out onto the second story balcony. 

Ricks face held a half grin as he mentally patted himself on the back. His gut instinct had been right. Sitting on the floor of the balcony with crossbow in hand was Daryl. 

Expect when Rick got closer he realized Daryl’s crossbow wasn’t actually in his possession, just nearby. In his hands was a book that Rick barley had time to identify as “treating survivors of childhood abuse” before Daryl noticed his presence and quickly shut the book, tucking it under his bag. A awkwardness filled the air as neither man spoke for what felt like hours, but was probably less then thirty seconds. Daryl stared down at his fingers as he anxiously fiddled with them. 

“Hey” Rick said, deciding the silence had stretched on long enough. “Why don’t you get some sleep, I can take over watch.”

It wasn’t a question, more of a demand, but regardless the other man didn’t look up as he responded back with a quiet but firm “Nah, I’ve got it.”

Rick sighed, running a hand through his newly cut hair. He could tell Daryl was even more on edge then normal, knew that he had been doing the bare minimum when it came to taking care of himself.

Shutting the balcony door, he responded. “Okay, then I’ll keep you company” The former police officer said as he took the few steps forward, sliding down the wall to sit next to Daryl. 

Rick noted the slight flinch with his first foot step, as well as the one Daryl gave when Rick’s shoulder accidentally brushed his side while getting seated. Rick felt a pang of guilt and sadness at Daryl’s response. The bowmen could act feral sometimes, like a caged animal who’s been abused and neglected. It seemed to only be getting worse since they arrived at Alexandria.

Rick knew it was a cheap shot cornering Daryl like this, but there were a few things he wanted to address and he knew the other man would avoid any concern thrown at him by all means possible. He wanted to address the book, but knowing there was a good chance his friend would flee away from that question he decided to wait. Besides, he was pretty sure he knew the answer, had been for a while. Instead:

“When was the last time you ate?” It was always his first choice for the icebreaker question. Seemed like he was asking it more and more lately.

Daryl finally looked up, but not at him. He stared straight ahead. Rick noticed that his posture had changed too. His body wasn’t as tense and defensive anymore, he looked a bit more relaxed and calm. Almost like he’d just realized he wasn’t in any immediate danger. Or maybe he was just relieved that Rick hadn’t asked about the book. Either way, Rick was glad.

“Not sure, yesterday morning maybe” He spoke in his half mumbled kind of way, not trying to hid the fact that it had been a day and a half since his last ‘meal’.

“Let me guess, squirrel?” Rick joked, leave it to Daryl to eat rodents when they had a fully stocked cabinet. Daryl acknowledged him with a light hearted huff then, more serious added “The rest of y’all need it more. besides m’not hungry.”

Rick eyed him, concern obvious on his face “Okay...” he replied back slowly, paused, and then spoke again. “Eat something for me tomorrow, will ya? Don’t think I won’t ask again”

Daryl huffed at Rick’s mock threat “I know you’ll ask again, always do. Worse then Carol” he retorted.

“We ask because we care about you, we all do”

Daryl just mumbled something inaudible and nodded, as if he didn’t believe a word Rick was saying.

Rick frowned. They’ve been surviving together for the past...3 years? He wasn’t even sure anymore. But regardless Daryl still viewed himself as the outsider. As though he didn’t belong with them. That they didn’t truly care about him. Rick’s heart ached because he didn’t know if Daryl would ever understand that he’s a valued part of their group, of their family. That they love him. Running a hand through his hair he silently vowed he’d do whatever he could to show that to Daryl. It was the least he could do for the man who’d saved him and his family’s lives over and over again.

“What about sleep?” He tried a different angle. “And don’t bullshit me, I know you’ve been spending most of your nights up here, keeping watch.”

Daryl was quite for a few seconds, as if actually trying to figure out when the last time he slept was.

“Doesn’t matter” was all that he finally said. Rick sighed, frustrated. “So you’re telling me it’s been awhile then” he inquired.

Daryl didn’t respond, proving Ricks accusation right. The other man just brought his thumb up to his mouth and chewed at it. A telltale sign that he was uncomfortable, Rick knew.

Rick thought about the book again. About how he wanted to ask, to bring it up. But couldn’t bring himself to. As much as he hated to admit, he knew all his theories were true. He’d seen the scars on Daryl’s back. Twice actually. First when he was unconscious and bleeding after his disastrous trip looking for Sophia, though Rick hadn’t thought much about it at the time. Figured it was from bar fights or hunting trips gone wrong. After all, Daryl seemed like the type upon barely knowing him.

The second time was different though. He’d known Daryl much better at that point. He knew who he truly was behind his rough exterior and had been able to piece together what he knew. How Daryl pretty much never mentioned anything from his life before the outbreak. About how he stayed quite, hardly voiced his opinion as if scared of the consequences. About how he seemed to believe he was dispensable and that it was only a matter of time before the people he trusted and cared about, the people he loved, decided he was worthless and threw him out. Rick had seen it countless times before with abuse survivors. Back when the world was a lot less dangerous, but still just as capable of evil.

The silence dragged out again. Rick looked over, trying to think of something he could say, but unsure of what. What could he say to make years of abuse and helplessness at the hands of people who were supposed to love you go away? What could he say to fix years and years of self worth, trust, and abandonment issues? He knew Daryl didn’t care what happened to Daryl. But Rick sure did.

“Hey, Daryl”

Daryl only grunted his acknowledgment.

“I meant it, y’know”

Obviously unsure of what Rick meant and where this conversation was heading, Daryl’s posture changed. He was clearly becoming uneasy and anxious again as he lifted his head and looked out into the night. “Meant what?” He asked carefully.

Rick paused for a moment as he realized how threatening his words could have sounded to someone like Daryl. Even more desperate now to prove his point, he continued.

“After you found us, me, Carl, Michonne. After you saved us. When I said it wasn’t on you, I meant it. None of it was because of you. None of it.”

He repeated those three words again to get his point across. Slowly he lifted his hand to rest it on Daryl’s shoulder, pleased at the absence of a flinch. Rick could feel the tension seeping out of the other mans muscles, and silently he hoped Daryl understood he wasn’t just talking about the Claimers.

Continuing he added, “Remember the other thing I said? I meant that as well.” 

For the first time since he’d sat down, Daryl looked over and met his eyes. 

“You’re my brother, you’re family.” Rick finished.

Daryl held eye contact for a few seconds more before turning away. But Rick didn’t miss the flashes of emotion in his eyes, the ones Daryl didn’t want him to see. Relief, safety, gratitude. Rick smiled.

Maybe he could get Daryl to understand. it might take awhile, But it would be worth it. Anything for family.

“Thanks...means a lot” Daryl suddenly said quietly, sincerely. Rick looked over to see the hunter looking at his knuckles once more. He knew how much his words had meant to Daryl, even if the other man had a hard time expressing it.

Standing up he clapped Daryl’s shoulder and tried again “You should get some sleep, I’ll take over watch” then added with a mischievous grin “Seriously, I mean it. You look like shit.”

Daryl grunted in amused agreement, hesitated, then slowly he stood up. Grabbing his bag and crossbow, he returned his own tired but teasing grin to Rick. “Says you, you look ridiculous in that mall cop costume.”

Rick chuckled gently as he waved his hand at the other man, dismissing the comment as nonsense. “Yeah, yeah. Michonne likes it!” He called out to Daryl, who already had one foot inside the house.

“She’s lyin’ man. See ya tomorrow” Rick nodded with a grin still residing on his face, and then Daryl was gone.

The click of the door shutting was the only sound as he turned to lean against the balcony railing, looking out over the streets of Alexandria.

Maybe everything would be alright. Maybe they could make this place home, a home for Carl and Judith. A safe place for his group, his family. God knows they all deserved it.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea about Rick catching Daryl reading that book he found with Carol in the city while looking for Beth, so I ran with it. I absolutely love the friendship Daryl and Rick have. They rely and care about each other so much. They’re family, they’re brothers.  
This didn’t go exactly how I originally planned but I’m very pleased with it nonetheless! Hope you guys enjoyed.
> 
> Also I love Daryl so much and I’m so excited to see him again in season 10! So glad he’s finally getting the screen time and story lines a character like him deserves!


End file.
